Walk Softly and Carry a Big Heart: In Memory of John Berray, Math Educator Extraordinaire

I can tell you approximately how many minutes I directly interacted with John Berray since I first met him at the NCTM 2018 in Washington. It is probably around a 100. Those minutes were spread out at NCTM 2019 in San Diego(his hometown) and CMC South in Palm Springs 2018 and 2019. The conversations were fleeting, often in passing, unlike the hundreds of others one usually has at these large conferences.

So, why was it when I heard of his passing did my heart sink to a depth that has been reserved for only a few others.

It is simply because John Berray radiated with a love and kindness that was indiscriminate and infinite. It mattered not that I had only known John in the time it takes to watch a movie. Those minutes were equivalent to a lifetime of connection because John’s sincerity and authenticity was unparalleled. And, not to surprisingly, there was an equanimity in this organic transmission of care and friendship.

That is why I was gutted. That I could only imagine the people who had known him for 200 minutes, 1000 minutes, years…and his entire life. If I was sad, what level of sadness were other experiencing. Much of my own sadness was for them.

After his passing, the tributes came pouring in on Facebook and Twitter — from former students to colleagues to close, personal friends. I read them all. They were all an affirmation of the first few minutes I spent talking to John in the auditorium halls at the convention centre in Washington. He smiled. He listened. He spoke softly. He smiled and listened some more. It would be impossible to extract so much from that dry reporting of that interaction.

You had to be there. Or, you had to know John. It’s almost like that old saying.

For those that know, no explanation is necessary. For those that don’t, no explanation is possible.

There are many photos I could have used as my title photo. The one with John Berray winning an award for San Diego teacher of the year. The one with John Berray on stage inspiring an audience with his powerful IGNITE Talk. I chose to honor John with posting a photo that symbolized his heart — humble and giving. In the title picture, John is painting the desks of this students with whiteboard paint. He would come in on the weekend to put on the second coat. Sure, John was an amazing math educator who made big contributions to all the communities he served — local and national. But, a picture of John with roller in hand, wearing overalls, speaks to the accessible and simple kindness that we should all nurture and champion.

Sigh.

I was supposed to meet John in San Diego early next month to grab lunch or dinner. It would have been the first time I would have spent time with him sitting down. I could only imagine the pearls of wisdom that I would have been given. John passed away right around the same time I was thinking how to finish the first chapter of my third book. The chapter title was chosen months ago — Ready, Set, …Stop. Thinking heavily about my friend inspired me to weave in one of the final, lasting ideas he gave us — to pause and give time to things that matter.

The whole book will be dedicated to the memory of John’s gifts of empathy, kindness, and love in math education.

When a loss of this magnitude takes place, a moral imperative is placed upon all those he touched to better ourselves so we can better others. Servitude was what John gave the world. It arrived as gratitude.

John Berray. You will always be missed. You will always be loved.